All of the HORROR STORIES presented here, started with the first employment interview. Does the below sound and feel familiar? It should.

SCENE: You are interviewing a prospective bookkeeper. She enters your office and takes a seat in a chair across from you:


What was saidWhat was thought…
You: “How are you today?”A little heavy on the makeup but otherwise professional enough.
She: “I am very well, thank you. And you?”Nice office – I wonder how much cashflow is in this business.
You: “I have your resume in front of me and your experience looks very good”.She obviously knows her stuff and will be able to handle things well. Thank goodness. I hate this stuff. It will be a welcome relief to have someone that I can rely on.
She: “Yes, I do have a good bit of experience.”… at making up all of this experience. Oh brother, if she only knew about my real last job. But thankfully, I have my brother Bob (working from home) that makes a really good reference.
She: “May I ask about your business? What do you do here?”I need to know if this job is worth my while
You: “I own a (fill in the blank) business with 10 employees. I have been in business for 6 years and we’ve been lucky – we’ve had some good growth which is why I need to bring on someone such as yourself on a full time basis.”I hope she thinks the business would be interesting enough and substantial enough to consider the position.
She: “Congrats on your success.”BINGO!!!!! I’ve hit the motherlode.
You: “Is it alright to call your references?”But judging from how you sound, it’s probably not necessary – only a formality – mayby I’ll skip it.
She: “Oh, of course, please feel free to call anyone.”Like you will really get anything on me – I’ve covered my tracks pretty well. And since the previous employers listed on my resume don’t really know what I got away with. . . well, absolutely, call.
You: “Well, assuming that your references are in order – when can you start?”Hopefully she doesn’t have to give a 2 week notice – I really need her now!
She: “As soon as you’d like.”Cash flow is getting thin.
You: “I just want to make sure that you understand what I am expecting – that you will be able to handle all of the daily financial transactions as well as the monthly close out.”All I really want is to be able to devote myself to my business growth – the financial stuff is sooooo boring! Please just spoon feed this to me.
She: “Absolutely – I am qualified to handle all financial transactions and duties.”Not to worry – just sit back and put me in the driver’s seat. . . of course, where I’m going, you don’t want to know.
You: “Well then, can you start Monday?”Neiman Marcus, here I come!